Being the Right Adult
- Listen to the victim. Let them know that you believe in them. Support them.
- Keep a record. Write down as much detail about what the child told you as possible. Note any injuries that the victim may have.
- Try to help the victim think of solutions to the problem. It may take several different solutions before you find one that works.
- Work out a safety plan for different places that they may have to go. Things they can do and places where they can go to be safe.
- Involve the victim’s friends and siblings so they can help. They can make sure that they stay close to the victim on the way to and from school or even at school. There is safety in numbers.
- Help the victim to recognize that they are a good person. Point out their good attributes. Also, that they have the right to be treated with dignity and respect. Remind them that the bully is the person who is wrong and needs help.
- Let them know about other services that are available to them such as the websites on the Internet and the Kids Helpline –
1-800-668-6868.
- Teach them to identify bullying and to get help. Help them understand why people bully other people.
- Remember, if the bullying becomes criminal in nature, the Police can intervene and help solve the problem.
- Do not try to intervene with the bully yourself. You may make the situation worse. Report it to professionals such as teachers, counselors or the Police and let them handle it.
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Types of Bullying Behaviours, Approach and Checklist
Adapted from British Columbia, 1998
Physical Types
Pushing, Shoving, Spitting, Kicking, Hitting, Stealing, Defacing Property, Treatening with a Weapon
Verbal Types
Mocking, Name Calling, Giving Dirty Looks, Teasing, Swearing At, Racist or Sexist Taunting, Threats of Violence, Intimidating Phone Calls, Daring, Threats Against Property, Coercion, Extortion
Social
Gossiping, Embarrassing, Setting up an Student to Look Foolish, Spreading Rumours, Excluding from Groups, Making Fun of Family, Spreading Lies, Iciting Hatred, Racist or Sexual Orientation Alienation, Blaming, Public Humiliation, Malcious Rumour Spreading
A Systemic Approach to Bullying
Adapted From Pepler & Craig, 2000
Parents - Communication, Parent Newsletter, Parent Council
Students - Behaviour Guidlines, Curriculum Adaptations, Bully Awareness
School - Deveop and Review School Policy, Enforce School Policy Consistently, Increase Communication, Form a Coordinating Group
Bullies - Complete Incident Report Form, Formative Consequences, Make Amends, Parental Involvement, Visit Guidance Counsellor
Victims - Complete Incident Report Form, Support and Protect, Inform of Consequences for Bully, Parental Involvement, Visit Guidance Counsellor
Life at our School
Checklist Adapted from Aurora, 1999
Printed by Thompson, 2003
During the last week another student (or some students):
- Helped me with my schoolwork
- Gave me some money
- Lent me something
- Told me a joke
- Shouted at me
- Complimented me
- Called me names
- Demanded money from me
- Told me off
- Smiled at me
- Teased me about my family
- Was friendly in class
- Talked about clothes with me
- Invited me to join in
- Tried to get me into trouble
- Helped me carry something
- Ate lunch with me
- Tried to kick or hit me
- Helped me with my homework
- Made me do something I did not want to do
- Talked about a TV show with me
- Ganged up on me
- Tried to break something of mine
- Let me listen to a CD
- Laughed at me
- Lied to me
- Shared something with me
- Teased me
- Talked about things we both liked
- Tried to hurt me
- Was unkind about something I did
- Took something that belonged to me
- Borrowed something from me
- Tried to make me hurt someone else
- Spread a rumour about me
- Walked to classes with me
- Threatened to tell on me
- Gave me a present
- Threatened to hurt me
- Criticized my hair or body or clothes
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Helping Children with Bullying
Tips for a child who bullies others:
- Take every incident or report of bullying behaviour seriously: don’t dismiss any as a one-time incident.
- Supervise the child’s interactions and play more closely. Intervene to redirect or stop any behaviour that is inappropriate.
- Do not tolerate behaviour that hurts others.
- Respond swiftly and consistently with negative consequences (e.g., restrict time with others)
- Focus on helping the child understand the consequences of his or her actions.
- Practice actions or words that might make the other person feel better or to make amends.
- Help the child recognize how and when their behaviour crosses the line from being acceptable to unacceptable.
- Teach the child ways to recognize internal signals that he or she is about to lose control
- Use real-life situations to practice kind or friendly alternatives to unfriendly or bullying behaviour.
- Teach the child positive ways to get what he or she wants. Offer reasonable and acceptable alternatives for the child to have power and control.
- Praise and reward positive interactions and negotiation.
- Do not label a child as a bully. Teach the child that bullying is behaviour that can be changed – and it takes courage to change.
- Get at the root of the bulling behaviour. Use school specialists and other professionals as resources.
- BE A GOOD ROLE MODEL. When adults use words or actions to bully or shame children or others, children learn that those behaviours are acceptable. Avoid using physical punishment.
Tips for helping a child who is bullied:
- When a child tells you about a bullying problem:
- Listen to what the child has to say. Find out what support the child needs – and what help he or she would like from you.
- Avoid blaming the child. This is not a time to focus on what the child should or could have done differently (even if the child “provoked” the incident).
Keep a written record of the incidents and make sure to report them to the appropriate school personnel.
- Do not encourage the child to fight back.
- Observe how the child talks and plays with other children. Help him or her to develop skills to make and sustain friendships.
- Teach the child to be assertive and to say “NO!” or “Leave me alone!” in a clear, firm voice when feeling pressured or uncomfortable.
- Help the identify social supports and practice ways to stay safe (e.g. play or walk with a friend, identify and play near children who could help or step, avoid eye contact with bullies, etc.).
- Teach the child to recognize “vibes” and body language that could signal danger. Always encourage children to walk away if a situation feels dangerous or out of their control.
- Practice how to handle specific situations.
- Encourage the child to ask for adult help. Reinforce the difference between telling and tattling.
- Teach the child strategies for staying calm and confident if teased or bullied. Help the child to develop techniques for diverting a bully’s attention away from hurting him or her (e.g. verbal retorts, humour or stalling tactics).
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1998, Nancy Mullin-Rindler, Wellesley College Center for Research on Women