You may remember the story.  It happened on February 6^th, 1998 in Chatham, Ontario.  A young boy, in grade five, was found hanging on a coat hook in the washroom of his public school. He had been the victim of two bullies, just children themselves, who thought they were having a little fun with a simple prank.  It was no joke. The ten year-old boy, Myles Neuts, died.   

In the span of ten to twenty minutes, while Myles was left to dangle by a shirt-collar and necklace, his breathing would stop, his brain would be denied oxygen, and for all intense and purposes, he was gone.  Six days later, after guarantees that their son would never regain consciousness, Myles’s parents made the difficult decision to turn off his life-support machines.  For Brenda and Mike Neuts, the horror was just beginning. Now they had to deal with the bizarre mystery that had caused this tragedy. They would succumb to the intense scrutiny of the police department, the media, and the rumour mill.  Finally, they would face the harsh realities of the Canadian judicial system.   

It is impossible to listen to this father’s story and not be changed by it.  Last Friday, November 19^th, the senior grades of Elora Public School sat in silence. This was Mike’s final stop in Centre Wellington, where six area schools, with a total of one thousand students, teachers and parents have benefited from learning the truth about the Myles Neuts tragedy. Mike Neuts was brought here by the members and supporters of the Centre Wellington’s Anti-Bullying Campaign, a committee founded through the Centre Wellington Community Oriented Policing Committee (COP) to work with police and area schools to confront the issue of bullying in our community head-on.  Bringing in speakers like Mike Neuts is just one of the ways this campaign is making it known that this community will not tolerate bullying on any level, in any age group or situation.

Mike has become an advocate for youth, speaking out against bullying with a frightening truth that every parent, child and care-giver should hear.  His son was bullied one time, and it cost him his life.  Mike is on a mission to see this doesn’t happen again. His message is clear: bullying, whatever the situation, is wrong.  People get hurt.  People die.  It must stop, and it’s up to everyone in the community to stop it.  

Bullying, he explains, is a learned behaviour.  Like the famed author and speaker Barbara Coloroso, he divides the issue between the bully, the bullied and the bystander. Centre Wellington’s Anti-Bullying Campaign has given us a clear definition of the act of bullying: “Bullying is the repeated use of power and aggression to deliberately inflict physical, emotional, and social abuse intending to harm and oppress a victim.” 

Bullies seek power and control for a variety of reasons, like popularity, or as a penalty for being different.  Sometimes it’s a case of the haves versus the have-nots. Incidents of girls bullying other girls are becoming more commonplace through acts of harassment or seclusion.  The old adage, “sticks and stones will break your bones but words can never hurt you,” is one Mike would like to see left in the past.  The internet, text messaging and cellular phones are the new technology of the bully. Clearly, emotional bullying is just as powerful as physical forms of abuse.   

Citing the American statistics that 100,000 children in the United States miss school every day out of fear, Mike is passionate that students realize their inherent value as individuals, so that they have a belief in themselves to come forward and seek help.  He acknowledges that victims of bullies are told not to tell, threatened with harm or public humiliation, and that fear prevents them from seeking help.  “Victims have to speak out.  You have to tell someone, whoever you trust, and get help where you can find it.”  For parents, that means getting our children to talk to us, and paying attention to the signs that things aren’t okay at school.  Children must be safe to tell the truth, and be heard. 

Bystanders too must take an active role in combating a potentially life-threatening issue. Neuts reminds us that if we witness bullying and do nothing to stop it, we’re guilty of allowing it to happen.  In the case of Myles Neuts, his father has learned that the bullies actually invited other kids to come in to the locker room and have a laugh at the kid struggling on the coat hook.  It was one of these witnesses that finally alerted the school staff.  It was too late. While the perpetrators in this case had no idea they would kill Myles with their actions, they did take pleasure in his pain. Giving a bully an audience just gives them more thrill, more power.  Mike reminds us, “Bystanders reinforce the victim’s humiliation.”   

What Neuts wants kids to understand, more than anything else, is that they matter.  Not as part of a group, or by fitting in – just by being themselves.  The most poignant moment was when Mike stood, arms outstretched, holding two photos of Myles taken just thirty minutes before this tragedy occurred, and he reminded the students that his son was popular, he loved school, he’d never really been bullied before, and he was a great kid.  Then he sent those photos around, so that every person in the room would attach Myles’s innocent face to his words.  The impact was felt by everyone.  Those students saw themselves in Myles’s face.  He could have been any one of them.  “You are all unique. The beauty of the world is that it is exciting.  Why in the world would you pick on someone for being different?”  School, he reminds them is about fun, about playing with friends and getting an education.  It’s a place where it should be safe to just be a kid.  “Kids come to school to learn, to play, to have fun; not to die.” 

Frustrated by the media’s focus on negative youth images, he encourages a positive outlook.  “We need to acknowledge young people, to recognize them as incredible people.  We always hear what children do bad, what they do wrong. We need to hear what they do right.”   

Neuts said that the boys who allegedly committed this crime were the same ages of the majority of the audience that day, eleven to twelve years old. Neither boys were charged.  They were removed from their school and kept apart from each other. After a year-long police investigation and a five-week Coroner’s Jury Inquest, the death of Myle Neuts was ruled “undetermined.”  Neither of them have ever acknowledged any role in their classmate’s death, nor have they ever spoken publicly. Mike and Brenda Neuts wait for an apology that will likely never come.   

Together they have tackled the tricky minefield of the Canadian judicial system, where they represented themselves and came away with twenty-four Coroner’s Inquest Recommendations being implemented in community programs like our own Anti-Bullying Campaign. As parents they have buried a child, have raised a second son, and have turned a tragedy into a message of hope that will save the lives of other children because there story will haunt anyone who hears it, with a truth that audiences cannot ignore or deny.  

When asked how he feels about the alleged bullies now, Mike Neuts admits that he is angry and has not found the resolve of forgiveness. He doubts he ever will, while his son’s tormenters walk freely in his community.  Yet he has turned his anger away from vengeance and poured it into public speaking.  His humanity is genuine, his emotions are raw, and his optimism is boundless.  “I have an angel on my shoulder that helps me,” he explains. “We can’t lose faith in everything or we become a recluse. We can’t always focus on the negative.”

 A student stood up and asked Mike what motivated him to speak out on such a difficult issue, and his reply was heartfelt. “I believe in young people, in their future as our greatest resource.  I do this to stop bullying.  And I do it to teach kids to be in touch with their feelings and think about their actions.”   

When the classes were dismissed for recess, approximately 30 students, ranging in age from grade 3 to grade 8, flocked to Mike, each eager to tell their own personal tales.  He listened intently to each child.  He embraced some and comforted others. His words were pure encouragement that they seek help, believe in themselves, and never let anyone make them feel unworthy.  Some of them left crying, visibly moved and relieved to have shared their sorrow.  Through each of them, Myles’s legacy will live on.  Even in the depths of Mike Neuts’s misery, there is hope.