Fergus – About 150 people ranging in age from young children to grandparents attended the inaugural meeting that will launch the Centre Wellington COPs Anti-Bullying campaign in Wellington County.“I would really like to say that we don’t need this program, but we do,” Centre Wellington Mayor Russ Spicer told the audience. “Years ago, we didn’t look at it as clearly as we do today.”

Spicer said he lost a friend from his grade 11 days to suicide many years ago. While the friend was not necessarily bullied, Spicer said he could be considered “a bystander” and there was no help available for him.

“I wish this campaign every success,” he said, thanking the Centre Wellington Community Oriented Policing committee for bringing it to Centre Wellington. From there, it will spread across all of Wellington County over the next few years.

A number of community help groups offered displays in the community hall, including Wellington County Crime Stoppers; Seniors Offering Support, a Guelph and Wellington Group specializing in aiding seniors; Women in Crisis, and Victim Services of Guelph and Wellington; Kids Helpline; and the OPP.

They offered information about what bullying is, how to get help, as well as pamphlets and even movies such as Don’t Laugh at Me.

Sponsors of the program include the Fergus Thistle IODE chapter, Fergus Elora Rotary Club, The Cooperators, Vic Kelly Associates, and the Fergus Legion Ladies Auxiliary.

The highlight of the evening came when Dawna Speers, of Mississauga, spoke about her teenaged daughter, who was the victim of a bullying at the hands of her boyfriend. He later was convicted of stabbing her to death.

Speers worked with the National Film Board several years ago to produce Love that Kills, the story of her daughter, Monica, and what resulted from her relationship.

Before the film was shown, Speers urged people to watch for a number of signs of bullying that occurred. Those include:

- isolation of a victim, from friends, and economically;

- physical violence;

- psychological violence, such as nasty putdowns in front of friends;

- public humiliation;

- playing on weak points,

- a bad temper;

- the victim becomes subservient;

- dominating behaviour;

- being treated like dirt;

- threats of suicide, which are used as emotional blackmail; and

- forced sex.

Speers said a bully is one “who enjoys oppressing, harassing, and intimidating others. It isn’t horseplay, like teasing or even a physical scrap,” she said.

She said while males are often more physical in their bullying, females are more subtle in their attacks, such as with whispering and rumours. She added that kind of attack can be even more devastating than physical attacks.

She said parents should watch for signs of bullying such as changes in disposition of their children.
”If we know the warning signs, that’s a first step,” she said, adding that bullying starts with minor things and gradually escalates until some people use guns and knives.

The film showed how Monica left home and moved in with her boyfriend, and how she worked while he stayed home and drank. Speers pointed out how the bullying started in small ways, and grew over time.

When Adam got physical with Monica and shoved her around, she left him and tried to start a new life.

However, Dawna Speers said that Adam stalked her daughter – at a time when there was no legislation protecting people from such harassment. Shortly before Adam killed Monica, he even stole her dog. When her daughter was killed, police found that Adam had a pair of handcuffs, and had removed the passenger door handle from his truck so a passenger was unable to leave it.

When the case got to court, the charge was plea bargained down to second degree murder, and Speers noted that during the preliminary hearing, Adam appeared to treat the proceedings as a joke. The judge had to wake Adam up in court, where is slept in the prisoner’s box.

Adam was sentenced to life in jail with a minimum of 14 years before being eligible for parole. Since that time, laws have changed that allow police to act if someone is stalked.

Speers said since the 1991 murder of her daughter, her family’s lives were changed forever. She said it was when she was writing the film for the National Film Board that she noticed all the warning signs, “like throwing little pebbles of criticism … became a huge rock for the receiver.”

A Love that Kills is the National Film Board’s largest selling documentary ever.

Speers said that if bullies have no real self-esteem of their own, they revert to using power and force to get their way, and, if that works, they will continue to use those tools.

Speers said since she has given talks to anti-bullying groups, a number of people have told her about how such things had happened to them.

“There is a challenge ahead of us as a community team to stop bullying,” she said. “Do just one positive thing and you’ve done one positive thing for the whole neighbourhood.”

She also explained that “Parents can’t condone bullying behaviour,” and noted that if police come to parents about complaints, those complaints should be taken seriously.

She said having police speak to problem children is “maybe all that is needed.”

She said parents should also listen to children’s fears and complaints, and try not to judge them. She said many children fear complaining to the parents about bullies.

Speers said there are six things parents can do about bullying:

- know the signs of it;

- teach children what to do in a bullying situation;

- differentiate between talking and tattling;

- by showing courage in peaceful non-aggression ways;

- praising kindness and empathy; and

- giving children the skills to make and sustain friendships.

Speers said that if there is a problem about proving bullying tactics, parents should keep a diary of their children’s complaints. She added that if there are problems, parents should go directly to the police over them..

Adam is up for parole next year.