No Bullying

Parents

That bully only looks so tall,
Because they make you feel so small,
But you can shrink them down to size,
By standing up and being wise.
Anonymous

1. If you think your child is being bullied, ask your child. Many children won’t volunteer this information: they’re ashamed, embarrassed or afraid. Adults need to take the initiative. Ask for specifics and write them down.
   
   
2. If your child tells you that he or she is being bullied, believe your child.
   
   
3. Contact the teacher as soon as possible. Request a meeting and bring you written record of what your child has told you. Stay calm and respectful, yours child’s teacher, coach or leader wants to help.
   
   
4. Consider whether your child might be doing something that encourages bullies to pick on him or her. Is there a behaviour that your child needs to change? No one deserves to be bullied, but sometimes kids don’t help themselves. Watch how your child interacts with others. Ask your child’s teachers for their insights and suggestions.
   
   
5. Encourage your child to express his or her feelings around you. Give your child permission to blow off steam, argue and state opinions and beliefs that are different from yours. If you allow your child to stand up to you now and then, it’s more likely that he or she will be able to stand up to a bully.
   
   
6. Remember that you are your child’s most important teacher. Discipline at home should be fair, consistent, age appropriate and respectful. Parents who can’t control their temper are teaching their children that it’s okay to yell, scream and use physical violence to get their way.
   
   
7. Many children who bully come from homes where their parents bully them.
   
   
8. Please Don’t ….. confront the bully or bully’s parents. This probably won’t help matters and might make thing worse. Many children who bully come from homes where their parents bully them.
   
   
9. Please Don’t ….. tell your child to “ get in there and fight”. Bullies are always looking to gain power and control.
   
   
10. Please Don’t …… blame your child. Bullying is never the victims fault.
    
    
11. Please Don’t …. promise to keep the bullying secret. Instead, tell your child you’re glad he or she told you about the bullying. Explain that you’re going to help, and you’re also going to as another adult to help.
    

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Seniors

Elder Abuse is any action that harms or threatens to harm the health and well being of an older adult.

We have the right, at any age, to live our lives free of the fear of physical, emotional, financial and sexual abuse, or neglect.  However, ONE in TEN older Canadians experience some form of abuse.

Types and Examples of Elder Abuse

Financial Abuse - taking money from your bank account without your permission, making decisions about your money that are NOT in YOUR best interest

Physical Abuse - shoving you, treating you roughly, refusing to fix your eyeglasses, giving you too much or withholding your medications

Emotional Abuse - threatening to put you in a nursing home, harrassing you for money/property to support their bad habits, treating you like a child

Sexual Abuse - forcing you to engage in sexual behaviour you have not agreed to

Neglect - not providing you with adequate food and water, leaving you in an unsafe environment

Protecting Yourself

1. Educate Yourself – know what abuse is, signs of abuse, how it happens and the resources available.Be aware of available services that can help you maintain your independence.
   
   
2. Plan for the possibility of disability and/or incapacity, by seeking out a lawyer. Your lawyer can advise you about a Continuing Power of Attorney for Property (your finances and property), a Power of Attorney for Personal Care (Health care decisions, including decisions related to admission to a long term care facility. Powers of Attorney for Personal Care may also include what is commonly known as a “Living Will”), Guardianships, etc. Plan your future while your are healthy and independent.
   
   
3. Consider nominating more than one person to act as your attorney(s) for Personal Care and for Property – i.e, name co-attorneys. (You can name different people to be your attorney(s) for Personal Care than you named as your attorney(s) for Property.) Make sure that the person, (or persons), that you choose is someone that you can trust, that knows you well, and that you have discussed your wishes regarding your finances and property, and/or your choices regarding health care, with him or her. Remember that Powers of Attorney documents are very powerful legal documents – they give another person or persons the right to make choices about your life, and how and where you will live your life.
   
   
4. Make a will and review it annually, but do not revise it lightly.
   
   
5. Don’t voluntarily give up control over your property or assets until you determine that you cannot manage them.
   
   
6. Be wary about deeding/signing over your house, or any other assets to anyone who promises to “keep you out of a nursing home”, or, to take care of you “at home” if you become disabled. The person or persons may not keep their promise to you, and they should be willing to assist you without compensation (other than for you to repay them for their out-of-pocket expenses for your care.)
   
   
7. Be sure you are thoroughly familiar with your financial status and you know how to handle your assets. Consider asking an accountant, or an employee in a bank, to assist you by explaining your accounts and investments to you. This is particularly important for older women, who are especially vulnerable to abuse. Be careful when asked to sign anything.
   
   
8. Go the extra step and have another person you trust review any documents that you have made out, for example, your Power(s) of Attorney and your will. Have a professional accountant prepare your tax return.
   
   
9. Arrange for direct deposit of your pension cheque(s), or any other regular payments you receive, to your bank account.
   
   
10. Do not rely solely on family for your social life, or for care (if you have health problems). Maintain and increase your network of friends. Continually seek out opportunities to attend social gatherings and to find new friends of all ages so there are always people around who know your habits and are concerned about you.
    
    
11. If there has been alienation from family or friends, make peace to the extent possible – not only because it is a healing thing to do, but because it creates a climate of caring and concern for you.
    
    
12. Ask for help when you need it. Take action, for example contact your lawyer, if you suspect that something is going amiss in the administration of your assets (finances or property) and/or in the decisions about your personal care.

(taken from “Elder Abuse and Neglect” Mary Joy Quinn and Susan K. Tomita, Springer Publishing Co, New York, 1986 and the Kingston and Frontenac Elder Abuse Task Force)

Abuse thrives in hiding and will escalate.  If you feel you are being mistreated or abused, talk to someone you trust. If you know someone who is being abused:

Help is available from a number of agencies.  The SOS Seniors Offering Support Telephone Line provides a trained senior volunteer to listen and help you.

SOS
Seniors Offering Support
Guelph - Wellington
Caring and trained senior volunteers who listen
(519) 767-4445
toll free 1-866-767-4445
MONDAY, TO FRIDAY
11 AM-3 PM

The Workplace

Employers are beginning to take steps to make bullying as unthinkable as sexual harassment or drunkenness in the workplace.

Schoolyard bullying - the torment of one child by another - is often compared to workplace bullying. Both types represent a grab for control by an insecure, inadequate person, an exercise of power through the humiliation of the target. School bullies, if reinforced by cheering classmates, fearful teachers or ignoring administrators, grow up to be dominating adults. When they join the work force, they continue to bully others.

Psychological Violence

A 1999 International Labour Organization (ILO) report on workplace violence emphasized that physical and emotional violence is one of the most serious problems facing the workplace in the new millennium. The ILO definition of workplace violence includes bullying:

"any incident in which a person is abused, threatened or assaulted in circumstances relating to their work. These behaviors would originate from customers, co-workers at any level of the organization. This definition would include all forms or harassment, bullying, intimidation, physical threats/assaults, robbery and other intrusive behaviors."

CUPE's National Health and Safety Survey of Aggression Against Staff, published in January, 1994, mentions verbal aggression and harassment in its definition of violence:

"Any incident in which an employee is abused, threatened or assaulted during the course of his/her employment. This includes the application of force, threats with or without weapons, severe verbal abuse and persistent sexual and racial harassment."

Bullying (general harassment) is far more prevalent than other destructive behaviors covered by legislation, such as sexual harassment and racial discrimination.

A Canadian survey on workplace violence found that physical violence is often reported from outside sources, such as customers, students and patients. Psychological violence is more often reported from within the organization. A U.S. study estimates 1 in 5 American workers has experienced destructive bullying in the past year.

Workplace Policies Needed

On April 6, 1999, a former employee of OC Transpo in Ottawa went on a shooting rampage that left four employees dead, then took his own life. The killer had himself been the victim of workplace harassment.

Among the recommendations of a coroner's inquest was that the definition of workplace violence should include not only physical violence but also psychological violence such as bullying, mobbing, teasing, ridicule or any other act or words that could psychologically hurt or isolate a person in the workplace.

No jurisdiction in Canada requires employers to have a workplace violence prevention program. For that reason, the OC Transpo jury recommended that federal and provincial governments enact legislation to prevent workplace violence and that employers develop policies to address violence and harassment.

Perpetrators and Targets

Over 80 per cent of bullies are bosses, some are co-workers and a minority bully higher-ups. A bully is equally likely to be a man or a woman.

The common stereotype of a bullied person is someone who is weak, an oddball or a loner. On the contrary, the target chosen by an adult bully will very often be a capable, dedicated staff member, well liked by co-workers. Bullies are most likely to pick on people with an ability to cooperate and a non-confrontative interpersonal style. The bully considers their capability a threat, and determines to cut them down.

Profile of a Bully

Adult bullies, like their schoolyard counterparts, tend to be insecure people with poor or non-existent social skills and little empathy. They turn this insecurity outwards, finding satisfaction in their ability to attack and diminish the capable people around them.

A workplace bully subjects the target to unjustified criticism and trivial fault-finding. In addition, he or she humiliates the target, especially in front of others, and ignores, overrules, isolates and excludes the target.

If the bully is the target's superior, he or she may: set the target up for failure by setting unrealistic goals or deadlines, or denying necessary information and resources; either overload the target with work or take all work away (sometimes replacing proper work with demeaning jobs); or increase responsibility while removing authority.

Regardless of specific tactics, the intimidation is driven by the bully's need to control others.

The Burden of Bullying

Bullied employees waste between 10 and 52 per cent of their time at work. Research shows they spend time defending themselves and networking for support, thinking about the situation, being demotivated and stressed, not to mention taking sick leave due to stress-related illnesses.

Bullies poison their working environment with low morale, fear, anger, and depression. The employer pays for this in lost efficiency, absenteeism, high staff turnover, severance packages and law suits. In extreme cases, a violent incident may be the tragic outcome.

The target's family and friends also suffer the results of daily stress and eventual breakdown. Marriages suffer or are destroyed under the pressure of the target's anxiety and anger. Friendships cool because the bullied employee becomes obsessive about the situation.

Moreover, our health care system ends up repairing the damage: visits to the doctor for symptoms of stress, prescriptions for antidepressants, and long term counseling or psychiatric care. In this sense, we all pay.

Prevention

Workplace bullies create a tremendous liability for the employer by causing stress-related health and safety problems, and driving good employees out of the organization.

The business case for strict anti-bullying policies is compelling. Potential benefits include a more peaceful and productive workplace, with better decision making, less time lost to sick leave or self-defensive paperwork, higher staff retention, and a lower risk of legal action.

Identify bullying in your staff handbook as unacceptable behavior. Establish proper systems for investigating, recording and dealing with conflict. Investigate complaints quickly, while maintaining discretion and confidentiality and protecting the rights of all individuals involved. It is important to understand fully any incidence of bullying and take the problem seriously at all levels.

Organizations who manage people well outperform those who don't by 30 to 40 per cent. Development of strong interpersonal skills at all levels is fundamental to good management and a healthy workplace.

There is no place for bullies in a well-run organization.